Genesis Is In Need Of Some Soul Searching Pt. 4

It's Friday morning and I'm feeling kind of funky. Funky, as in sort of in a rut.  I'm currently sitting in my boyfriend's house on my laptop writing to you.

It's been a week since I said goodbye to Kaycee. And trust me, it wasn't easy for me. I almost felt like crying as in i hate goodbyes. They just does something to my soul that I just can't shake. After I left the center that day, I felt that for once I was getting myself together. I had said to her that I don't think I will be meeting with anyone else, because it would be hard for me to start over with a new therapist.

So now, I have been therapy free and I feel like I sort of need her. But since she has moved on from the center, I don't want to start over. It would take too long to reestablish certain things. So, I just stick to what I should be doing, talking to my boyfriend about what ails me. But I, Genesis have been having issues trying to deal with certain things that have occurred around me. Again, I find myself mixed up with the same elements that have brought me into therapy in the first place. As if I needed that kind of torment again. No less than 5 hours after I finished therapy last Wednesday there is still the same foolishness that occurs.

But at last, I have to suck it up and keep it moving. I can't sacrifice my progress into entertain some of the bad elements in my life. I have to let them live their lives and I have to focus on fixing mine. It would be nice if I can win the lottery and help create the food pantry that my boyfriend and I have been talking about. But things and money take time to get. And in the mist of all of this, the bane of my existence called me on Tuesday and began to interrogate me. I swear some people will never change. So, I have learned to stop expecting my mother to change, because as we were taught as little children that our parents are always right and we as children are horribly wrong.

In my 29 years, I have never felt this much aggravation from anyone else except from my mother. What can I say? This woman knows what buttons to push. She is fully aware that I am short tempered. LOL. My father has said to me on many occasions that I have my late grandfather's personality (just in female form). I don't know whether or not that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I continue to march on.

I have to learn that I still have to keep moving on, because I need to do it for me. I can't be free, unless I set all the garbage free. So there is still one hell of a journey left. I just hope I figure all of this out.

Til we meet again.

Comments

  1. Throw away anything that can hold you from decisions you need to make. Be resolute and unyielding in your efforts regardless of how hopeless certain things seem... plenty of time to sort out the heart once the mind and wallet have been restored.

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